by Rev. Amari Magdalena
Loneliness in the 21st century has become endemic. Covid certainly played a role yet separation has grown. Most affected are 18–24-year-olds and people 65 and over. Isolation is the partner of loneliness and they are causing depression, anxiety, and psychological disturbance for many.
What is Loneliness? Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. It is also described as: an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. The bottom line is that too many of us experience isolation. Certainly, Covid created a lot of isolation for people living alone. The very structures of many of our dwellings, also contribute. Many of us live in apartments without social offerings or in our small separate boxes. Add to that an increase in violence in a city that heretofore had little, and you have fear. An unstable political situation only exacerbates the feelings.
Many of us grew up with family nearby. For me, even though we moved a lot, everywhere we lived, there was family. We had many gatherings with family. Our neighborhood, in the time of wives at home, had many the coffee klatch. There was almost always someone we could call on in an emergency or simply for company.
That is true no more. Many of us left our families and headed west. The tenor of many of the larger cities in the west, was such that we became more fearful. Trust was a factor with a lot of schemes and charlatans playing on our naivety. The burbs for a while provided some of the old klatch gatherings yet wives returning to the workforce or college in the 70’s women’s movement changed that also. All of these factors contributed to a cultural evolution and ultimately, we ended up with more isolation.
One symptom of that is the cyber dating phenomenon. Religious practices where many had socialized, experienced a fall out in attendance. The usual meeting places and/or family gatherings became few and far between. Many of us moved even more having to establish ourselves from scratch, again and again.
Meetups developed to fill some of the gap yet, like all organizations, they didn’t always last due to human foibles and that old nemesis, ego. Another group of us developed physical limitations which further exacerbated spending huge junks of our lives, alone. We couldn’t do the things that others were doing. Others experienced economic downturn which severely limited our spending on leisure activities.
So many factors in 2024 have caused too many people to feel loneliness. Awareness and commitment to some type of involvement may help overcome the feelings. Getting out more even to the store and talking with people may ease the untoward feelings. Making a huge effort to find some opportunities to socialize with like-minded people is another avenue. For seniors, joining a senior community, may after we get over accepting, that we too are ‘old’ people. Picking up the telephone and connecting with old friends may help. Bottom line, all of this requires some effort.
There have been some efforts to house older and younger people. This may be yet another avenue for easing feelings of loneliness. If you have a hobby, finding other people who enjoy it, may bring opportunities to be with people. Seeking counseling if you’ve gotten to the place of feeling depressed. Seeing if your city has a directory with organizations that may be of interest can help.
And, then there is technology. Yet another factor. It is forcing us to carry our smart phones around even in the house with sites that send you a code for access. It consumes way too many hours of our lives that we might have spent with other people. It’s lightning-fast changes often leaving us feeling inadequate and alone. Kids are spending more time inside than out. Adults may be getting depressed in an effort to keep up.
Bottom line, is once you realize that you are lonely, it is important to do something about it. For me, I know that if I spend too much time alone, I have to be the boot in my butt that says, “get out there!” No one is coming to you, if they don’t know where you live. Volunteer. Put on some glad rags, and get out of the house. Accept that this is a different time and you need new tools to cope. Also commit to learning to enjoy and love yourself. Fill in your circle.
“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone.” –Connor Chalfant
“We are living in dystopia, in a world that is dominated by technology and disconnect, alienation and dysfunction.” -Steven Wilson
“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” –Gretchen Rubin
“We can all fight against loneliness by engaging in random acts of kindness.” -Gail Honeyman
“We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found the answer in community.” – Dorothy Day
